Another NO MORE YELLING Update

Hello, my name is Stephanie and I am a yellaholic.

I told you a while back I would give an update on the No More Yelling Challenge.  My update might surprise you (or not).

Here it is: I have really good days and then there are really bad ones.  Every time I slip up I feel super discouraged.  The same things get me every time.  There.  That's it.  Not what I had hoped to type but I'm not giving up.

I think I assumed once I decided to do this I would just do it.  I felt that once I decided not to yell anymore I wouldn't.  It's been so much harder than that.

If there is anything positive I can say it's that I'm learning.  Even in times of complete failure the Lord is teaching me, and for that I'm very thankful.  For instance, I now realize how most of the time when I'm yelling I've lost my perspective.  I'm getting upset about things that don't have eternal value.  I let the worries or cares of life become bigger than they should be.  Fear (not trusting God) gets in the way of me being a meek and gentle mama.  I have a tendency to blow up over things that frankly just aren't worth it.  Later I feel guilty.  Fortunately that guilt is in part what drove me to make a change.  Who wants to lie awake in bed at midnight feeling guilty about being a mean mama?  Not me!

There are a million and one things pressing down on me right now.  Okay, that might be an exaggeration but it certainly feels that way.  Most of my yelling is my "stuff", not the kids.  It's the internal junk I'm carrying around.  I really have to deal with the pain in my heart and soul if I want to be sweet and patient.  And, really...why should my kids pay for what someone else has done to hurt me?

Here's one other thing...when I skip my time in the word or when I don't take time to pray, the problems are worse.  The more time I spend with the Lord the less I struggle.  It's not a magic formula however the days I make time to pray and study God's word go so much smoother.  The less time we spend with the Lord the more we will struggle with sin.  It's a fact.

Hear ye, Hear ye...If I am going to get rid of this horrible habit and if I am going to be patient and kind and loving toward my family I must spend time with the Lord every single day.  I. need. Him.

I heard somewhere recently (don't know where) "you can't steer a car by yelling at it".  Please excuse me but I have to say this... DUH!  I had a little light bulb moment right there.

 Here's a list I jotted down.  It's what's next for me.  I've also got this No Yelling Jar idea that I will share with you next time.

• Pray.  (By the way, I am praying for those of you who have indicated you are taking the challenge on with me.  I haven't forgotten you!)
• Memorize Hebrews 12:1-11.
• Make certain time alone with the Lord is my top priority each day.  
• Put some visual reminders around the house.  (James 4:7, Romans 14:19)

As I write this I am remembering that anger is one letter different than danger.  Any anger in the home is dangerous.  There is nothing more damaging to your relationships with your children than anger.  I'm purposing once again to not be angry and to stop yelling.  

How are things going for you?  Fill me in!

No More Yelling ~ An Update

It's been one week.

I've had plenty of opportunities to yell, but I haven't taken them.

Well, not all of them.

I almost wrecked the other day.  After the scare and slamming on my breaks I sort of raised my voice to one of my boys in the backseat.  It was my worst slip up so far.  I have apologized.  The boy I apologized to said, "Aww Mom, that was nothing."  Unfortunately he's heard worse.

A couple of nights ago I went into my son's room and found clean laundry I had given him to put away, on the floor.  In a semi-loud voice I called his name.  "You're not going to yell at him are you?" my husband said.  I didn't.

I gave a little schoolwork lecture the other night.  One that I've given 100 times before.  I didn't yell.  It was a miracle.

So...all in all I'm doing a lot better.  The above really is an improvement.  I had almost gotten to the point that I was yelling every single day, and sometimes several times in the same day.  Not. good.

I will be checking in periodically with an update, but here's what I've learned so far:

• Internal issues affect external behavior.  This sentence comes from my dear sister and it's total truth.So many times when I yell there is something else going on inside of me that makes the goofing-off-in-the-kitchen-that-leads-to-a-spilled-jug-of-milk seem so much worse.

• I'm not alone.  I have received many texts and emails this week.  I could never have imagined! Whatever your struggle, don't struggle in silence.  Christian sisters can do a lot for each other if we are willing to put ourselves out there. 

• My kids are WAY happier and talk to me a lot more about their lives when I'm not mad.  My moody child has been in a marvelous mood all week.  I asked him if he thought he was in a good mood because I hadn't been yelling.  He said, "YES".

• Parenting boys is different than parenting girls.  Parenting teens is different than parenting small children.  Parenting in a large family is different than parenting in a smaller one.  It is a complete waste of time to compare yourself to others.  I can say without hesitation, if you don't have a home full of boys who are teenage and tweenage, well...you just don't.  {PSA - Unless you've been there, done that...please don't say been there, done that.}

• And one more thing, Satan is slick, but he's not all that.  Our God is way bigger!

A Warm and Cozy and Happy Place = NO MORE YELLING

If I am yelling I'm not parenting, I'm sinning.

I've become someone I never thought I would be...a yeller...old yellar yeller.  

I've decided I'm not going to yell at my kids anymore and I'm stating it here in the blogosphere for the world to know. 

I feel I must issue myself a challenge, so here it is:

I'm challenging myself to 365 days of no yelling.

Can I do it?

For many, many years I never, ever raised my voice with my children.  I was pretty proud of that too.  My friends all talked about what a patient mommy I was and I thought I had it all together.  But then slowly I started becoming someone I didn't think I would ever be.  I started getting loud.  I started getting frustrated and angry more and more, and I started yelling.  And once you get in that horrible habit it's hard to break out.

I could (but I won't) blame my yelling on all kinds of things... like stress, and anxiety, low blood sugar, and financial strain, depression, hormonal changes, moving, and ...teenage boys.  I've never yelled at my young children really, it seems my yelling problem didn't rear it's ugly head until my boys reached the teen years.  I don't ever yell at the little ones, but I have YELLED at my teenagers, and like it says at the start of this post...if I'm yelling I'm not parenting, I'm sinning.  I mean, uh, hello...teenagers are going to make some bad choices, and mess up, and not take their schoolwork seriously sometimes.  Yelling is not the way to handle these issues.  I know it and you know it.  Knowing it is one thing... 

I will need prayer.  I'm going to be praying, and asking my husband to pray for me also, and my kids too!
I will need to watch what I eat and pay attention to how much sleep I'm getting.
I will have to work on keeping things in perspective.  
I will need to rely on the Lord for strength in times of weakness. 
I may need to ask for some help.

I might have to go into my closet and yell at my clothes once or twice.  You know that gum people chew when they are trying to quit smoking?  Sort of like that.  I'm going to try to quit yelling ~cold turkey~ but come on, let's be real...I could need a piece of gum once in a while.

So here's where it starts...

I've been mean and I've been ugly.  I've said bad words and my face has been red.  I've been loud, really loud.  It's impossible to have a cozy home with a mad mama.  So...NO MORE.

Today, June 8, 2013 begins my 365 days of no yelling.  Beginning today I will no longer be yelling at my kids (or husband for that matter).  NO MORE YELLING.

I want our home to be a warm and cozy and happy place and that means no more yelling.