WIN in Survival Mode

I was trying to determine why I don't write like I used to.  I can remember posting almost daily and now I barely make it by here.  I was thinking about that and wondering what happened exactly.

I figured it out.

I'm in survival mode.  

You know the mode you go into when there's more for you to do than you could possibly get done, when there are a lot of people depending on you for lots of different things, when emotional pain grips your heart and tries to take over, when you are overwhelmed, under-nourished, and sleep deprived?  That's the one.

  I wonder if you are here (or ever have been) too.  

It's not unusual for moms to go through difficult times.  Who said everything would always be peachy??  That nonsense about "God won't put more on you than you can handle" - not true.  All of life is way more than we can handle.  We need Him and His grace!  How would we recognize our own depravity if we "handled" life just fine on our own?

My husband has this little acronym he brought home from work and uses often.  It has become a huge help to me.  He's been saying it for a while (I think it's on his desk somewhere) but it has proven to be very helpful to me recently.  Maybe it will help you as well.  

W.I.N. - What's important now.

Have I shared this with you before?  If so, it means more to me now than it ever has.  

Allow me to explain...

You can't do everything.  You can't do a million things and do them all well.  Right now if you are feeling like things are spiraling out of control, stop and determine what is important and focus only on that.  Can you do it?  {Yes!}

I've had to determine the most important things and put my focus on them.  I've had to let some other things go for a little while.  This is not easy for me but it is what had to be done.  There is a relationship that is painful and drags me down.  I finally had to let it go.  There were a jillion household projects I wanted to accomplish.  I had to put them aside for now.  There were a lot of things vying for my attention and I had to decide what's important now and take care of it.  You won't be able to get things under control until you decide what's important right now and focus on that.  

If you are dealing with a child's sinful behavior and trying to homeschool - quit the homeschooling, work on the behavior, then resume teaching.  What's important now?  Math or the child's heart?  Learning to spell or learning to obey?  W.I.N.

If you have run yourself completely out of energy and you are experiencing health issues - stop everything, get yourself healthy, then add back the important things one at a time.  (Notice I said important things!)  What's important now?  Right now? 

If your husband is feeling neglected fix that right away.  If you're yelling at your children - stop and re-focus.  What's important now?  Clean windows or a happy marriage?  Gourmet meals or children eating grilled cheese sandwiches knowing they are loved - a lot!  

I hope this is helping you because the WIN idea has really helped me.  

Knowing what's most important right now and focusing on that has saved me from almost losing my sanity.

Trim away the extra, let go of some perfectionism, re-write the to-do list, simplify, cancel, let go, whatever you have to do, and focus on what's important now.

Start here:

(1) Your relationship with God - spiritual and emotional health.

(2) Your husband

(3) Your children

All These Kids

Do you ever have one of those days that goes on and on and on?  I have them quite frequently and I had one today.  

The doorbell rang early this morning.  We start the day with that.  My husband calls from the bank - where there's an issue.  One son needs a costume for an oral presentation at co-op, (dress rehearsal is tomorrow) his sister has agreed to bring two dozen cupcakes to her class.  Tomorrow.  And our cat!  She told the teacher she would bring our cat to class.  Yes she did.  The laundry is backed up like never before.  I'm trying to cook and clean while working on Math and Language Arts and that's always tricky.  Both vehicles need attention and one of the older boys is off to college and another one of the older ones is helping a neighbor for the first half of the day.  There's this new obsession pet frog at our house who is cute but high maintenance.  It feels like everyone is going in a thousand different directions and one of those persons is a three year old who needs her mama to keep up with her.  

It's funny how I will think there is no way I can possibly get everything accomplished but somehow when the day comes to a close, it's done.  

This is a reminder of God's grace in my life.  

Some women "miss out" on doing this amount of laundry but they miss out on this number of hugs, and kisses, and laughs too.  Some might not want my job but I wouldn't trade it for anything - not even a nap.  Some Mamas have a whole lot more help with their kiddos than I will ever have.  But doing this with just my honey has made us strong.  Some recommend birth control in an effort to "control" the chaos, or financial strain.  I've learned to trust God in what He gives me knowing full well He will never make a mistake.  I didn't always have this kind of trust but God, and encouragement from my husband, brought me to this place.  I'm ashamed to tell you that while I was pregnant with our fifth child I encouraged my husband to have a vasectomy.  He gently explained to me why he would not.  He prayed with me, and for me, and asked me to pray and talk to God about the number of our children.  He ask me to allow God to choose the number.  When I look back at that time I'm once again reminded of God's grace in my life.  He took my fear and grew trust in Him.

Our days are extremely un-perfect.  I burn dinner, get overwhelmed, and forget to return calls.  My house gets messy, my dishes and laundry pile high, and I'm sometimes a grump.  But for the most part this is a happy place.  Our kids laugh all the time and they love each other.  A lot.  All I had to do today was step back and look around and I fell in love with life all over again.  It's loud when guitar is being practiced and lines to the Christmas play are being shouted over top.  It's discouraging when the last square of toilet paper just got flushed and there isn't a speck more in the entire house.  It's sort of shocking when I work on a meal all day and it vanishes in under 10 minutes.  I won't lie, it's intimidating when I look at the school work that needs to be done.

I'll take it - the crazy, the busy, the hard work, the chaos.  I will endure the comments and the judgement and the naysayers, and the lack of sleep.  I'll do it for the love.  The unimaginable multiplication of love.  The joy, the teamwork, the strength in numbers - I'll take that.  Even the busiest days come to an end.  There's nothing sweeter than "a bunch of kids" in their pajamas sleeping soundly in a quiet (yes!) house.  

Thank you, Lord, for this day and for all these kids.  Help me to remember this tomorrow morning when I am wrestling the kids, and the cat, into the van (and help whoever is carrying the cupcakes not to drop them).  

So far today our little eight year old gal has drawn horse pictures, read in her horse book, looked up some information on horses in another book, and watched a horse movie.  She's horse crazy right now.  

It's just like God to bless us with a neighbor who teaches riding lessons and owns several horses.  Our sweet friend has offered to take our girl riding this very week.  I'm not sure she will sleep until it happens.  She is talking incessantly about it.

Isn't it fun, getting into what your kids are into?

We have an older boy saving up for a motorcycle.  He looks at pictures of Kawasaki Ninjas and checks his bank account regularly.  This, although not as easy for me to get into, is his thing.

Some of our other boys are into soccer.  WAY into soccer.  I'm a soccer mom, and I love it.  One of our boys has been taken out of playing soccer by his doctor.  Because of a brain injury he is no longer allowed to participate in contact sports.  Our pastors have promised to take him golfing.  Maybe golf will become his new thing.  

One of my favorite things about being a mom is being a part of what our kids are doing.  For a lot of years I was a mama to only boys, (twelve years to be exact).  I got into baseball and football and Star Wars and Rescue Heroes and a whole lot of other boy toys.  I learned to love camping, spent all day Saturdays at the ball field, and took field trips to fire stations and dinosaur exhibits.

Now, in my forties, I'm getting to raise little girls.  We have tea parties and play dolls.  My girls play princesses every single day and have a pretend house where they are both mommies.  Fun stuff!  

I've so enjoyed the privilege of being a mom.  People often ask me which are easier, boys or girls.  They ask which I like raising better.  I could never choose!  Our boys are rough and tumble and our girls are sugary sweet.  I love both.  I love the way the boys compete and show off and fiercely protect their sisters and me.  I love the way the girls help me with our home, trying to do everything I do, and their sweet little hearts always making or drawing something for someone.  It is a dream come true to be a mother of this big brood. 

What are your kids loving these days?  May I encourage you to get into that kid stuff with them?  Whatever it is, learn to love it.  I have a dear friend who went to her first anime convention this past spring.  She wouldn't have picked that interest up on her own but that's her son's hobby.  

Get involved in your kids dreams.  Play with them.  Enjoy their hobbies and teach them about yours.  You are sure to win their hearts!  When what's important to them becomes important to you, they know how important they are.  

Keep up the good work, Mama!

Motherhood is...

Motherhood is beautiful, hard, lovely, exhausting, interesting, challenging, rewarding, humbling, sweet, scary, stretching, exciting, and tiring.  It's awesome, memorable, intense, forever, and life changing.  It's tears, laughs, smiles, fears, questions, trials, and blessings.  It's flowers, band-aids, jelly beans, and crayons.  It's diapers, bottles, late nights, early mornings, long talks, forgiveness, and grace.  It's reading, playing, singing and going for walks.  Motherhood is listening, feeding, training, teaching, helping, supporting, waiting, leading, hoping and dreaming.  It's sunshine, rain, and even storms.  It's hugs, kisses, messes, and do-overs.  It's ball games, music recitals, art shows, appointments, and try-outs.  It's busy, happy, sad, thrilling, heart wrenching, and mind blowing.  It's holding on and letting go.  It's worrying, trusting, praying, knowing, questioning, and believing.  It's spit-up, blow-outs, and tantrums.  It's snuggling, hand holding, encouraging, and pretending.  It's bubbles and balloons and birthday parties.  It's sick days and doctor visits, traditions, surprises, special places and favorite days.   It's the best thing ever and quite a lot more!  

Happy Mother's Day!

Obedient Octopus

This little idea came from one of my favorite books, 1001 WAYS TO INTRODUCE YOUR CHILD TO GOD by Kathie Reimer.  I've loved this book for many years.  It's chock full of great ideas!

Each time she obeys she will get to put a star on the octopus.  After all of the arms are covered in stars she will get to choose to go out for ice cream or go to the Dollar Tree and pick out a treat.  Such fun, and a helpful way to remind her to obey.

• I obeyed my daddy's words.
• I obeyed my mommy's words.
• I obeyed Jesus by being kind.
• I obeyed Jesus by praying.
• I obeyed Jesus by sharing.
• I obeyed by doing my work.

Ephesians 6:1  Children, obey your parents the way the Lord wants.  This is the right thing to do.

Motherhood is Hard - Press On with Eternal Perspective

Today I sat down with my laptop and pulled up my blog for the first time in almost a week.  I have so many things I'd like to write about but such little time.  I noticed when I logged in I had 30 posts in my drafts.  I was surprised to find 30 different posts started, but never published.  That's a lot!  I saw this one from a year ago and decided to click on it and see what it was all about.  It seemed fitting to publish today. Apparently I was preaching to myself and right now I could use a little bit of that.  


Motherhood is hard.  Anyone who tells you differently is wrong.  And really, who would tell you that?

Motherhood is a lot of work, super rewarding, but a lot of work.

I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything in the world.  Ever.  Even on the hardest days.

Right now my house is a total disaster and there are dishes in my sink.  I just changed a stinky diaper.  My laundry pile is high.  My to-be-folded pile is higher.  And there are dozens of items waiting to be ironed.  I've been up since 6:30 a.m. yet I'm still in my pajamas.  I've already seen two boys out the door to work, loaded up one sick boy with ibuprofen and reminded a whiner not to whine...numerous times.  Yesterday we conquered three appointments (two being to the dentist...no cavities!).  Today we must reload our food supply as it is empty again and make a couple more appointments.  Sunday at church I left the service just in time for my toddler to puke outside the church doors.  I let the kids eat pizza again last night and I'm feeling guilty about that.  I have not one clean bathroom.  In the last week we've visited the pediatrician, eye doctor, and dentist.  We've managed to work in some school and a field trip.  We are practicing music, practicing kindness, and I am currently practicing not yelling (see THIS).

Motherhood is hard.  Did I already say that?

If you work each day taking care of your children and your husband and your family you will be tired, and sometimes you might be overwhelmed.  When you're working every day in the trenches of motherhood you may think you are not making a difference for eternity but YOU ARE.  Rocking babies, folding the laundry, teaching children to read and putting dinner on the table is important work and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

A while back I received a series of anonymous comments full of false accusations and lots of insults.  My husband and I were accused of having too many children and having them too young (we were 23 and 24 when we had our first child by the way).  Sometimes the comments that have been written to me get down in my heart and hurt my soul.  I have to go to God in prayer on the hard days and ask Him to help my heart.  I have to search the scriptures for truth when the voices of the naysayers are pouring into my inbox and my mind.  Can I just take a moment and encourage you to do the same?  When things get you down and your mind gets muddled up - go to God, and to His word.  His word is truth.

I'm an imperfect mother.  I'm trying really hard but I make a lot of mistakes.  Here's what I know:  When I mess up I can ask for forgiveness.  My mistakes offer me an opportunity to tell my kids of God's forgiveness and  point them to Jesus.  We are a family full of sinners and we all know it.  We live and grow by God's grace.  Thank you, Lord!

If you are overwhelmed, as I am sometimes, stop and pray.  Know that patiently teaching your children will yield far better results than a clean house.  When other voices come in telling you something contrary to the word of God, go back to the bible.  Children are a gift from God.  The fruit of the womb is a REWARD.  When you feel like you just can't get mothering right, remember that God gave your children to you and He will supply all that you need to be their mother.  Don't give up.  Don't throw in the towel.  Each day you can plant seeds for eternity.  Keep loving and forgiving and teaching and praying.  Some days will be hard, really hard.  Ask God for the help you need.  A mother's love and hard work are invaluable in the life of a child. Point your children to Jesus.  The laundry and the cleaning and the cooking and the errands have to be done, but don't lose sight of your real purpose.  Glorify God by loving your children and shaping their hearts for eternity.

Motherhood is hard, but so is anything worth doing right.  Press on with eternal perspective.

Avoiding Burnout - Time with Friends

Hey, Howdy, Hey!

I didn't think it would be Thursday before I made it back here.  Where did the week go?  Do the days run away from you as fast as they do me?

We've had a fun-filled week of "s" words...school, soccer, and shopping!  Have you ever been to IKEA?  I had not until Tuesday.  OH.MY!  What a great place!  The prices are unbelievably good and the size of the place is mammoth.  If you get near an IKEA make certain you stop in.  You are sure to find some good stuff.

The best part of the trip wasn't the treasures we found though.  It wasn't the chalkboard (that I love) or the great chair I bought, or even the yummy cinnamon rolls.  It was the time spent with friends.  It was the laughing and sharing that went on.  It was such a blessing to spend the day with friends!

Which brings me to my next post in the How to Avoid Feeling Worn-out, Frazzled, Burned-out, and Overwhelmed series.

One important thing we can do as women to avoid feeling burned out is spend time with other women.  It's easy to get stuck in a hole of alone-ness and to believe you have no time for a break.  I know, I've been there.  I've made it no secret that I have suffered from periods of depression.  Our last move (a forced relocation for my husband's job) was exceptionally difficult.  We left behind some of the best friends we've ever had, a great church, neighborhood, and a life we loved.  The adjustment to our new city was extremely rough.  We were not quick to make friends or find a church and had almost no support from our extended family.  I don't think most of our family members even comprehend what it is like to up-root your life and start all over again.  Finding doctors and grocery stores and post offices is the easiest of the chores.  The hard part is beginning new relationships.  It is lonely and overwhelming.  I've spent the majority of the time I've been in our current city without many friends.  It has only fueled the feelings of being burned out and overwhelmed.

Over time God brought some women into my life and it has made such a huge difference in how I feel.  We women folk are designed for relationship.  Often times relationships mean way more to us than they do our husbands.  Men most of the time aren't as needful of friendships, but for women, it can make all the difference.  I would encourage you if you are feeling overwhelmed as a mom to talk to another mom.  Go out for a cup of coffee and spend some time sharing with one another.  If you are at home with your children all day, every day, and you aren't really getting out at all I would suggest changing that.  Of course, your first and most important obligation is to your family.  Your role as help-meet to your husband and caring mother to your children comes before anything else.  I've seen cases where mamas have taken their "down-time" to the extreme and have become negligent of their duties.  I've seen a severe case of that actually where grand-parents literally took over raising the kids so the mother could travel to the beach, hang out at bars, and do whatever she chose.  THAT is not what I am talking about.  I'm suggesting once in a while we step away from our routine and spend some time with some other women doing something enjoyable.  Join a bible study, or take an art class, go shopping, or out for coffee - the possibilities are endless.  I really enjoy putting the little ones in strollers and just walking (and talking) around the neighborhood or at a local park.  Taking a little time periodically to get out of the house and spend time with friends will do you a world of good and will actually be good for your family as well.  You will enjoy the change of scenery and time spent sharing with friends and will be ready to return to your role as wife and mother refreshed and renewed.  Fighting off the burned out overwhelmed feeling begins with relationship with God and is helped by relationship with other women.  Try it and see!

Avoiding Burnout - Time with God

Hi!  Happy Monday!

How was your weekend?  Ours was a crazy mix of good and bad, wonderful and hard.  We had some great times and some not-so-great.  We headed to Sweetwater Tennessee for an all day soccer tournament on Saturday and stopped off at Sweetwater Valley Farm.  If you are ever near Sweetwater you must stop there.  They make the best cheese and it is such a beautiful place to visit.  While I was there I learned about cheese curds and we will be frying some up this week for a special treat!  Yum!  Oh yeah, my husband and one of our sons sampled Elk salami.  Weird.

By the way, they loved it.

We did some shopping Friday afternoon and this is where our two year old decided to take a nap.  Yep.  Make yourself at home at The Home Depot.

Lastly, I snapped this picture at dinner.  She doesn't like him at all.

I mentioned in my last post how easily I can become overwhelmed and frazzled and worn out.  I planned a series for this week on what you ( I ) can do when we feel this way.  Funny thing is, this past weekend and this morning have given me plenty of material!  I'm going to post one thing each day this week that will help us to avoid being frazzled, overwhelmed, stressed out and burned out.

The single most important thing you can do is spend time alone with God.  This doesn't have to come in a specific form following a series of specific steps.  Time alone with God is just your special time - you talk to Him, you cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.   When you worship the Holy God of the universe - suddenly your priorities are placed in proper order.  In those moments we are reminded what really matters and what doesn't!  The peace and comfort can't be beat.  I love my time alone with God and HE changes my entire day.  He helps my heart.  He enables me to be a better wife and mother.

Soooo... if this time is so special and so wonderful why would I ever miss out on it?  Here's the thing, there's a little lie (I believe straight from Satan) that says, "You have too much to do.  You can't slow down.  There's too much that needs to be done and you are already behind!  There's no time for praying and reading the bible today.  That will have to wait until another time when you aren't so busy.  Now, go go go!"  

Total lie.

I have believed that lie many, many times.  I've tried to run my life my way and get back to God when I had a little more room in my schedule.  How stupid is that thinking?!!  I've actually told myself I'm just going to buckle down, get busy, and work.  There are places to be and people to feed and rooms to clean and there's a mountain of laundry to do.  The problem with that thinking is this...when things are out of order in our lives, and when things are out of order in our hearts it is almost impossible to flee that overwhelmed feeling.  There is no peace in putting God off.  I've been through this struggle.  Very recently I have struggled.  I was trying to be everything to everybody.  It was like trying to run a race without ever eating any carbs.  I was miserable and I was making everyone around me miserable.  I've struggled in the past and I will likely struggle again.  Why?  Because Satan knows how important our intimate relationship with God is so he will do anything he can to stop it from growing.  He very often succeeds in keeping busy wives and mamas from taking time to worship, pray, read, meditate, or spend any time at all with the Lord Jesus.

 I'm here to tell you that the #1 way you can avoid burnout, feeling overwhelmed and frazzled, is to spend time alone with God each and every day.  You will grow to love this time.  The Lord Jesus is your power source for being the woman you want to be.  

You want to be loving?  Love comes from the Father.

You want to be kind?  Kindness comes from Him!

You want peace in your life?  Seek Him first and ask Him for the peace only He can give.

You have a lot to do?  Hard decisions to make?  He will walk with you every step of the way.

Your house is a wreck, your children are bickering and you still haven't had a shower?  Some time with Him will set things right in your heart and He will give the grace to take each step, one at a time.

You cannot pour sweetness into your family if you are not being filled up yourself.  We really can do nothing apart from Him so why do we try?

Feeling burned out?  Don't give up your time with God!  It will only make things worse.

Next Week

Here are some of our family logistics.  See if you can relate...

IF everyone were to get dressed once each day (and they never, ever do get dressed just once) We would be washing 56 outfits a week.  Those 56 outfits would be in addition to sheets, towels, washcloths, blankets, bibs, dishtowels, underclothes, and the like.  The problem is, no one here wears only one outfit a day!  There are work clothes and running clothes.  There are McDonald's uniforms and soccer jerseys.  There are pajamas and sweatshirts and jackets and socks.  So.many.socks!

We feed eight people three meals each day.  That's 24 meals a day, 168 per week.  Just about the time we get one meal finished up and cleaned up it's time to start prepping the next one.  I've caved in to shortcuts like ordering pizza and eating out but that just ruins our budget.  I could have a full time job just doing the food for this family.  Cutting coupons, planning meals, making lists, grocery shopping, cooking, chopping, baking, serving, tidying up the kitchen, cleaning out the fridge, and cleaning the oven.

All eight of the people in this household have teeth.  Yep, save your Tennessee jokes.  There are a lot of appointments to dentists, orthodontists, specialists, and now add - oral surgeons.  Our appointments take up a HUGE portion of our time.  We have 3/4 of our family in glasses and contacts.  So there are appointments with the eye-doctor, in addition to the pediatrician, ob/gyn, orthopedic surgeon, vascular surgeon, family doctor and more.  I could definitely make a full job from scheduling, transporting to, and following up on the appointments for eight people.

Then there's school...a second grader, sixth grader, ninth grader, and an eleventh grader, (and a two year old!).  There's planning, grading, teaching, ordering books, testing, field trips, co-op, reading, special projects and more.  Homeschooling certainly is a full time job, plus a little.

Over the years our kids have participated in tee-ball, baseball, soccer, football, basketball, AWANA, piano lessons, guitar lessons, and Upward cheer-leading, among other things.  Practices, lessons, games, recitals, team parties, award ceremonies - all take up a good chunk of time.

Add to the above cleaning the house, organizing, decorating, shopping, party planning and hospitality, bill paying, ministry and church activities (my honey recently got involved with prison ministry) giving baths, family bible time, talks with teens, ironing, yard-work and keeping baby-books/scrapbooks, correspondence and more and you just might find a worn-out, frazzled, tired and overwhelmed mom.  Hello.  Some days that is me.

So what do you do when you are worn-out, frazzled, tired, and overwhelmed or want to make sure you don't get that way?

Next week I will be doing a series of posts (primarily talking to myself) on how to avoid that worn-out, frazzled feeling.  Most of the time I begin a post telling my readers that I am no expert but in this case I am an expert!  I know all about feeling overwhelmed because it is a regular battle for me.  I have learned something through the years as God has patiently taught me.  I will be sharing with you starting Monday afternoon.  Please meet me back here.  I would love to hear your thoughts!

*Also coming up soon...Why My No Yelling Challenge was a Fail, The Spring Mantle, and a yummy new pie recipe you are going to love.

Have a great weekend!  Make it cozy!!

I know which letters I need to work on!

The Lord Your God Is With You Wherever You Go

I haven't been able to make it to my blog much this week.  I've been busy with soccer games, cooking supper, grocery getting, teaching, writing notes, laundry, reading aloud, child training, bed making, bill paying, phone calls, mopping floors, dusting furniture, folding clothes, picking up, fixing breakfast, giving baths, cutting coupons, making lunches, writing lists, planning school, grading work, cleaning glass, changing beds, setting schedules, dentist appointments, haircuts, arts and crafts, fixing boo-boos, running errands, braiding hair, sorting socks, hanging up clean shirts, waking kids and putting kids to bed, fractions, flashcards, posters, washing dishes, serving food, controlling clutter, having company, balancing accounts, making calls, talking with teens, shopping, loading up the crock-pot, ironing, organizing, making plans, straightening rooms, cleaning out cabinets, scrubbing toilets, baking bread, solving problems, picking out paint colors, and playing at the park.

I wish I could tell you I've done every one of those things with a smile on my face and a meek and gentle spirit, but that would be a lie.  There have been times of success and times of failure.  I've been nice and I've been not so nice - such is the way of this mom.  Each day I try harder to do better than the day before, ask forgiveness, and pray a little more!  

So, how about you??  What have you been doing this week?  I love this quote, "The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home".  So true, mamas!  Don't give up.  Keep doing the hard things.  You will reap what you sow!

Just a few more thoughts on perspective...

The other day I wrote about perspective.  Today, I have just a few more things to add.

Teenagers.  If there is one area I feel a majority of people are off in their perspective, it is with teens.  If you have younger children I want to tell you not to dread the teen years.  Everyone "warned" us how terrible these years were going to be and I would like to report they were wrong.  Teenagers are intelligent, funny, caring, and have a lot to offer.  We are thoroughly enjoying our time with our teens, in fact we've had an extra one here for a few days and I couldn't be happier.  If you think I'm saying they're perfect, you read it wrong.  The teen years present new challenges.  It is a season of change for both the child and the parent.  I've heard it said that teens can bring out the worst in a parent and I've told you before that I developed a yelling problem when my boys hit the teen years.  It is true.  I yell when I lose my perspective.  But with proper perspective this period in a child's life can be very rewarding.  I must add that what you are doing with your children from 0 to 12 will show up when they are 13 to 18.  You will reap what you sow.  Pray and ask God to give you His perspective on the teen years.  Don't be discouraged!  Look for the good in your teen and you will find it.  Pray.  A lot.

Homeschooling.  It is a ton of work.  A ton.  One can lose perspective easily.  Don't compare your children to other children.  Don't compare your home school with government schools.  Most importantly, don't give up!  Pray daily and ask God for a filling of His grace.  You can trust Him.  He is faithful!  Do the best you can and enjoy your children.  When you feel your perspective slipping talk to another mom a little further down the road of homeschooling, or schedule yourself some time of refreshment - perhaps a home school conference.  There are a lot of fabulous books chock full of encouragement.  If you need a book recommendation message me.  I've never met a homeschooling mom that wasn't working really hard to educate her children.  I've heard the naysayers comment on such mothers but I've personally never seen it.  I've been homeschooling for over 15 years and I've rubbed shoulders with A LOT of homeschooling moms.  I've never met one who wasn't working diligently.  Most moms I speak to are going above and beyond.  Stop fretting.  Your child is going to learn all that he needs to know and so much more.  Make learning fun and read, read, read!  (If you need more info than I can put in this little paragraph send me an email.)  Approach your homeschooling from a perspective of preparing your child to do whatever the Lord calls him to do.  Your preparation may look a little different from what people are used to but pay no mind to that.  Prepare your children's hearts for Kingdom work.  God will take care of the rest.

Husbands.  A while back I read a quote that said, "Some women spend so much time trying to make good husbands that they forget to be good wives".  Don't do that.  You can lose perspective if you start believing that if he would just do, or say, or be what you want, then everything would be better.  Not true.  Show your husband all the love and respect you possibly can.  Kindness will go so much further than any nagging or complaining ever could.  Focus on being the best wife you can be and forget about making him a better husband.  You will win him over with your sweet spirit.  Place priority on your relationship with him and teach the children to respect him by your example.  Your perspective makes all the difference in your marriage.  One more thing - pray for your husband!

I'm certain we could chat about perspective for some time.  There's a lot more to each of these subjects than what I have quickly written here.  I have to save my thoughts for another day since my time for writing has once again come to an end.  There is a little one in my house ready for nap time and much school work yet to be done.  As always, thanks for reading!

Good Morning!

I'm daring to pop in here for only a few minutes.  Our house is a busy little hub of activity right now.  One has left for the day, some are eating, some are getting ready and I've grabbed the lap-top to steal a few minutes and chat about something that's on my heart.

Perspective.

Have you lost your perspective?

From time to time I lose mine.  I've been thinking about perspective over the last few days.  I want to encourage you if you have lost yours.

Trials.  Are you facing a trial in your life?  Are you overwhelmed?  Headed into an emotional tailspin?  No matter what you are facing God can use it for good in your life.  God is close to the brokenhearted.  You are not alone!  Pray to Him and He will answer you.  Nothing brings things into proper perspective faster than what I call "face to the floor praying".  The kind of praying where literally you are unable to stand.  When you are broken before God you have right perspective and He is able to work in you.  Hang on, sister.  Don't give up!

To-do Lists.  Here's one that will throw off my perspective with ease.  One glance at my to-do list and I'm a wad of stress.  "How can I possibly do everything I have to do today"?  Keep things in proper order.  Your responsibility is to God first, husband second, then your children.  Lay aside people pleasing.  Prioritize and give up perfectionism.  You can't do it all perfectly.  Life is not perfect.  You are not perfect.  Decide what's really important - clean windows or your children's hearts?  I'm not saying you can't have both.  You just might not be able to work on both at the same time.  The windows will always be there.  Your children will grow up.  Think about it.  Perspective.

Children.  Children are a gift from God and don't forget that!  Are your children getting in the way of your work?  If so, your perspective is skewed!  Your children are your work.  What a blessing and a privilege to be the mother of children.  An anonymous commenter wrote to me several times saying that we have too many children.  This person does not have right perspective!  Know that your children are a special blessing loaned to you to nurture and teach and shape their hearts to love the Lord Jesus.  Be a joyful mother.  Changing diapers, staying up all night holding a sick child, and training wrong behaviors may sometimes leave you worn out and exhausted but there is no work in the world more important than what you are doing.  Each time you read books and play games with your children, bake cookies with them, and yes, change those yucky diapers with love, you are making deposits into their lives.  Those deposits will add up over time and one day you will reap what you sow.  Hang in there on those long and tough days.  Love your children with all you've got.  Ask God for the help you need.

Mistakes.  We've all made them.  Stop beating yourself up!  I've written this before, there is no way to be a perfect mom but there are a million ways to be a good one!  When you mess up, ask for forgiveness.  Ask God to help your heart and make changes where necessary.  Perhaps you need more rest, or perhaps you just need a little break with some peace and quiet.  It is not selfish to take good care of yourself, in fact your family needs you to do so.  You know the saying, "there's no use crying over spilled milk".  It's true.  It is spilled.  Wipe it up.  Clean it up.  Start over.  Do your best and be your best.  Mistakes will be made.  A mother who loves her children will not hesitate to ask for forgiveness.  Don't let pride get in the way!  Don't dwell on your mistakes but do learn from them.  The sooner you learn the hard lessons the better off you are going to be.  Keeping your mistakes in proper perspective is essential to good mothering.  If you dwell on them, you will be bogged down with guilt.  If you blow them off, you will repeat them.  Perspective.  Treat mistakes as the teachers they are.

I have more thoughts to share on the subject of perspective but my family needs me.  I guess this will be a two-part post.  Thanks for reading today.  I hope you will stop back by soon.

A Warm and Cozy and Happy Place = NO MORE YELLING

If I am yelling I'm not parenting, I'm sinning.

I've become someone I never thought I would be...a yeller...old yellar yeller.  

I've decided I'm not going to yell at my kids anymore and I'm stating it here in the blogosphere for the world to know. 

I feel I must issue myself a challenge, so here it is:

I'm challenging myself to 365 days of no yelling.

Can I do it?

For many, many years I never, ever raised my voice with my children.  I was pretty proud of that too.  My friends all talked about what a patient mommy I was and I thought I had it all together.  But then slowly I started becoming someone I didn't think I would ever be.  I started getting loud.  I started getting frustrated and angry more and more, and I started yelling.  And once you get in that horrible habit it's hard to break out.

I could (but I won't) blame my yelling on all kinds of things... like stress, and anxiety, low blood sugar, and financial strain, depression, hormonal changes, moving, and ...teenage boys.  I've never yelled at my young children really, it seems my yelling problem didn't rear it's ugly head until my boys reached the teen years.  I don't ever yell at the little ones, but I have YELLED at my teenagers, and like it says at the start of this post...if I'm yelling I'm not parenting, I'm sinning.  I mean, uh, hello...teenagers are going to make some bad choices, and mess up, and not take their schoolwork seriously sometimes.  Yelling is not the way to handle these issues.  I know it and you know it.  Knowing it is one thing... 

I will need prayer.  I'm going to be praying, and asking my husband to pray for me also, and my kids too!
I will need to watch what I eat and pay attention to how much sleep I'm getting.
I will have to work on keeping things in perspective.  
I will need to rely on the Lord for strength in times of weakness. 
I may need to ask for some help.

I might have to go into my closet and yell at my clothes once or twice.  You know that gum people chew when they are trying to quit smoking?  Sort of like that.  I'm going to try to quit yelling ~cold turkey~ but come on, let's be real...I could need a piece of gum once in a while.

So here's where it starts...

I've been mean and I've been ugly.  I've said bad words and my face has been red.  I've been loud, really loud.  It's impossible to have a cozy home with a mad mama.  So...NO MORE.

Today, June 8, 2013 begins my 365 days of no yelling.  Beginning today I will no longer be yelling at my kids (or husband for that matter).  NO MORE YELLING.

I want our home to be a warm and cozy and happy place and that means no more yelling.

Out the Door, Dinosaur!

Our family is busy packing up this morning headed to the Teach Them Diligently Convention.  Even though there is a lot on my heart, I don't have much time for writing.  I'm leaving you with a few things to look over and I will be back to share what's on my mind and on my heart soon.

I thought this was really cute and fun.  I'm using some new ones with my little girls and they are loving it!  

Here's something for me, and maybe you, to remember.  I've struggled with anxiety, depression, and PMS off and on over the years.  Some times (new baby, moving, getting older) are worse than others.  I need this reminder.

And a little mom humor for good measure.

As always, thanks for stopping by my blog.  I'll go ahead and take this opportunity on Friday Eve to wish you a Happy Weekend!  Make your home cozy and love on your family!

For the Moms...

Beep Beep Beep

Today will have to be a timer day.  The only way I am going to make it through is with my timer.  Do you timer too?  :)

For those of you who don't know what I mean, allow me to explain.

Sometimes (a lot of times) the only way I can concentrate is to set my timer and work at a task non-stop until the timer rings.  I have my own version of an attention disorder and when there is much mess and many tasks I seem to ping from one thing to another without accomplishing much.  I've learned to set my timer in order to get things done.

There is no question.  It's a timer day!

The family room is a mess.
Each of the kiddos I am homeschooling needs some assistance.
Mount Washmore is at its tallest peak to date.
A pile of unopened mail is stacked on the counter giving me dirty looks.
I'm not showered yet.  (Broke my own rule this morning to enjoy some homemade cinnamon rolls and coffee with my honey.)
My daughter and I have started a new project and the parts and pieces are strewn about.  (I can't wait to show you!)
I must buy groceries and get dinner started.  Soon.
And so on...

I will set the timer for 15 minutes in the bathroom and get ready for the day.  Yes, I can shower and get ready in 15 minutes.  If you don't believe me, ask my family.  Don't you know mothers of six have all kinds of magic tricks?

I will move to the family room and set the timer again for 15 minutes.  There is something about racing the timer that gets the job done quick!

I'll move to the laundry room and set the timer for 15 minutes.  I will work in the laundry room only, fighting the urge to carry things off to other rooms and get distracted by what I see there.

I'll give myself 15 minutes (timer ticking) to clean out my purse and check my list and coupons,  then it's out the door.

My little white timer is my trusty friend.  I carry him with me as I move about the house.  The ticking helps me focus and the competitive spirit in me loves a challenge.  I try to beat my friend by getting the task done before he rings.  It really helps me focus.  Without the timer I would get distracted constantly and do parts of all kinds of jobs but probably not complete any of

Oh!  I have to go now!!  The timer I set for this blog post just rang...more later!

GRABBING THOSE EVERYDAY OPPORTUNITIES

Moms are busy.  Super busy!

Most of the moms I know are not found sitting on the couch watching TV.  They are washing dishes and washing clothes.  They are ironing work shirts for hubby and painting the laundry room, grocery shopping and taking the vehicle in for service, cooking, and planning.  Moms scrub toilets and make doctor's appointments and run the vacuum cleaner and cut coupons and...and...and!  Moms are on the go and on the move.

It is easy to be distracted.  Mornings can be the hardest time for me.  When everyone gets up and starts moving in multiple directions my focus is on getting breakfast served and cleaned up and getting the laundry started and getting school going.  I'm in a hurry and I'm task oriented.

This morning I was reminded how important it is to STOP, or at least SLOW DOWN when children are talking to me.  I was reminded that simply answering with a head nod as I scurry about is not the kind of mom I want to be.  It's much harder to be an intentional mom but the rewards are great.

Case in point:  One of my sweet babes showed me their "lucky pencil".  They shared with me how every time they used that pencil they got an A+ on their math tests.  Part of that is true, the last several math tests have been A+ 100.  (I'm thrilled about that!)  Part of that is not true...the lucky part.  When that comment was made I wasn't really in a position to sit down and chat.  I was "busy".  But, (because of God's grace) I stopped what I was doing and I talked with this sweet one.  To some, this comment might have been no big deal, and I'm not saying that it is necessarily.  But I did feel it was important to grab the opportunity to talk to the owner of that "lucky" pencil.  It is important to take everyday opportunities to teach truth.  Our mama-days are filled with opportunities to speak truth into our children's hearts.  We have to make sure we are receptive to those opportunities and take the time to love and to teach.

My lucky pencil man and I chatted about luck.  We discussed whether or not there really is such a thing.  We talked about the brains God has given to us and how He has blessed us with good minds and strong bodies.  We were able to think through and talk through why and how we make good grades and we discussed that every good and perfect gift is from God...including perfect test scores!  James 1:17 Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

As moms we must grab every single opportunity we can to teach our children of God's great love for us.  Start doing this as soon as the children are born.  Pray out loud when you lay the baby down to sleep for the night.  When the toddler points out a bird, or a bug, or a flower, tell him that God created those things.  Find answers to the children's questions in scripture and read it to them and with them.  When teens go through struggles go straight to the Word and look together.  Grab every single opportunity, big and small.  Whether you are teaching little ones to pray or helping older ones learn about purity, the answers will all be found in scripture.  Be on the alert for opportunities to show your children the truth and relevance of God's word.

Start each day in prayer and ask God to show you opportunities and then grab them!

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.   

Laying Down the To-Do List

I learned a great lesson the other day.  And I'm glad I did.

Your children are not interrupting your work.  Your children are your work.

A little girl, not feeling well said," Mommy I want you to hold me".  I would have, but the kitchen was a mess and I needed to get that cleaned up first.

Same little girl, short time later, "Mommy, my head hurts.  Will you hold me?"  "Yes, sweetie.  I will in just a minute.  I'm going to run upstairs and move the laundry.  I will be right back".

Laundry moving, kitchen cleaned, living room picked up.  Little girl, "Mommy, when are you going to hold me?"  I answered, "Just a second".

Several chores later, "Mommy, you said you would hold me.  I don't feel good".

Finally, I sit down in the old most comfortable chair and the little girl climbs on my lap.  She curls into me and looks up with big green eyes and says, "Thank you Mommy."  {Oh, my heart.}  She doesn't move, just closes her eyes and smiles.  She's warm.  I kiss her head.  Her hair smells so sweet.  I look at her little feet curled up.  She is so content.  Why did she have to wait so long?  Why didn't I stop what I was doing?  My work can wait until later.  She needs me.  I must remember to lay down my to-do list for my children.

Are You Overwhelmed? 8 Things to Consider

Do you ever feel overwhelmed?  Anxious?   Do you often feel there is too much to do and not enough time to do it all?  When someone asks how you are, do the words "so busy" or "stressed" flood your mind?  I've spent a lot of my years as a wife and mommy feeling this way.  Not only do I not want to feel this way, I know it is not God's best for me. As a society we have accepted the fast pace, rat race way of life.  It has become the norm.  Most everyone is running around all the time, busy-busy, with so much to do.  I've decided feeling overwhelmed should not be the norm.  It's time to do something to change it.  

I've taken a close look at my life in order to identify what the triggers are for feeling overwhelmed and I've asked God to show me His perfect peace.  Like everything else in my life, this is a work in progress.  People like to say, "God won't put more on you than you can handle".  TRUE, but WE can certainly put more on ourselves than we can handle.  As we women put more and more pressure on ourselves anxiety creeps in and we begin to accept it as part of the package of our womanhood.  When I began to dig around for the source of and solution for anxiety I dug up the following.  If you struggle with anxiety or feeling overwhelmed here are some things to consider.

1.  SIN - Do you have unconfessed sin in your life?  Sometimes we feel overwhelmed because we are not in right relationship with our Heavenly Father.  Don't make excuses for gossip, or disrespect to your husband, as if that's just part of being a woman.  We must confess our sins to God and ask forgiveness.  It is important to stay very close to the heartbeat of God and walk in His ways.  If sin piles up we can feel stressed and anxious and unhappy.  Don't allow that to happen.  Seek to glorify God in all that you say and do and when you don't, be quick to make things right.  Psalm 51:2  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

2.  TIME - Are you wasting time?  Do you waste hours in front of the TV or on the computer?  Do you talk on the phone more than and longer than you should?  Wasting time can make the overwhelmed feeling come on strong.  First, there's the fact that you aren't getting anything done and then there's the guilt when you realize how much time you have given away.  Be extremely aware of what you do with your time and treat it like the precious commodity it is.  How should a godly woman spend her time?  Find the answer to that question by reading the Bible and talking with God.  He is faithful to show us how to live if we ask Him.  Psalm 145:18  The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.  Proverbs 31:27  She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.

3.  DOORMAT - Maintaining proper boundaries requires grace.  A godly woman must learn to be giving and kind while not becoming a doormat for people to wipe their feet on.  It is not necessary to be a  "yes woman".  You don't have to say yes to everything you are asked to do.  Pray regularly.  Obey God.  Give up the people pleasing. If you are saying yes to everyone, trying to do everything, you are likely to get overwhelmed and frustrated.  It is also possible that you are short-changing your family in some way.  Know what God has called you to do and do your very best.   John 12:43  For they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God.  

4.  CHOICES - Be sure you make positive, healthy choices rooted in the word of God.  Sometimes I make stupid choices that can quickly lead to anxiety.  If I make the choice to be disrespectful to my husband or angry with my children I have to wrestle with guilt.  If I choose to waste time on the computer I am neglecting the things I need to take care of.  If I choose to take on too many responsibilities I will probably become overwhelmed and guess who I will take my frustration out on, most likely, my family.  We must be very careful in choosing what ministries we get involved in, what projects we take on, and what extra-curricular activities we allow our children to sign up for.  Proverbs 16:20  He who gives attention to the word shall find good, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.   

5.  PERFECTIONISM - Here's my Nemesis.  I am a perfectionist.  The good side?  I like to do things well.  I want to work with excellence.  The down side?  The enemy of "good enough" is perfectionism.  I won't get started on something unless I know I have time to do it perfectly.  I re-do things sometimes unnecessarily because I want them to be perfect.  I bring extra work on myself because I want everything just perfect.  And I don't have to remind you, we don't live in a perfect world!  I also expect perfection out of others and that's just not good, especially with children.  Are you a perfectionist?  I'm not suggesting we become sloppy, or do less than our best, or do jobs half-way.  I just know for me sometimes I need to relax.  I bring on the anxiety when I want a perfect house, with perfect children, and the perfect home-school and I want to serve the perfect meal and fold the laundry perfectly and be the perfect wife, mother, and friend.  We can't have everything perfect, or be perfect all the time, and we shouldn't look for contentment in "perfect"ness.  True contentment is found in Christ, not our circumstances.  1 Timothy 6:6  But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment.   

6.  PROCRASTINATION - Procrastination and Perfectionism are cousins.  Did you know?  If I can't do something perfectly, I will procrastinate doing it.  If you don't have this struggle you might not understand this.  If you do struggle with this,  you know exactly what I mean.  My only solution for procrastination is to make a to-do list and force myself to get things done, and to set a timer while I work on a particular task.  When the timer goes off I make myself move on to the next thing.  These two ideas can work if you make yourself stick to the rules.  List making and deadlines are the only way to get me past procrastination.  It also helps if you have a friend to hold you accountable.  Ask someone to call you at the end of the day to find out if you got X, Y, or Z accomplished.  Knowing you are going to get the call will force you into action.  1 Corinthians 10:13  No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.  

7.  BALANCE - You can't pour all of yourself into being a mother and ignore your husband.  You can't put all of your efforts into your home and neglect your home school.  You can't overextend yourself at church and neglect your home.  You can't put every bit of your energy into serving others and have nothing left for yourself.  In order to avoid feeling overwhelmed and experiencing anxiety you must seek to balance your life.  By "life" I mean your spiritual life and relationship with God, your role as a wife and help meet to your husband, your responsibilities as a mother and nurturer of your children, your health, your relationships outside of your immediate family, and everything else that makes us women.  Balance can be found by seeking to follow God and being obedient to Him.  A balanced woman knows her calling and lives accordingly.  Balance means taking care of ourselves AND our families.  Balance means we can't do it all, but we can do all that God calls us to do.  If I'm feeling overwhelmed I am probably doing something God has not called me to do.  Matthew 5:6  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.  

8.  STUFF - Having too many belongings leads to anxiety.  Yes, really.  Do you have too many clothes crammed in your drawers?  Do your children have too many toys filling up every room?  Is your garage overflowing and your closet a mess?  You can't be organized if you have too much stuff and the only answer to this is to simplify.  Clean out the closets and drawers and donate the extra to charity.  Have the children choose some toys to keep and some to give away.  Are your kitchen cabinets hard to close, or does everything have to come out when you are looking for one particular item?  If so, you have too much.  Clean out the cabinets, drawers, closet and garage.  Get rid of any excess and bless someone else.  It is much easier to clean and keep the house organized if it's not busting at the seams.  There's a calm feeling that accompanies having less stuff.  The rooms seem larger and are easier to keep tidy when you simplify and downsize the amount of stuff you have.  Matthew 6:19-20a  Do not lay up for yourselves treasures upon earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.   But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven.  Psalm 39:4  Lord make me to know my end, and what is the extent of my days, let me know how transient I am.

  
*Dear Sweet Moms, Remember not to take on too much and to keep things simple.  Recognize that your family is your primary ministry and please remember God cares for you.  I hope something on my list will help if you struggle with feeling overwhelmed.*