Friday, April 19, 2013

Bad Advice - Part Two

Last fall I wrote a post titled, "Bad Advice".  This post caused quite a stir and resulted in two angry anonymous comments showing up in my inbox.  I've looked back at that post to see what it was that caused the ruffling of feathers and I have not been able to come to any firm conclusions.  I now know my reading audience is larger than I expected, and that's a good thing!  But, I don't know what it was about my post that set off such anger, especially the type of anger where one feels they must hide their identity.  I'm a very honest person, sometimes to a fault.  I suppose I should have more carefully written out my thoughts, or my editor (my husband) should have done more in the way of editing, but I can promise you nothing I said in that post was any less than 100 percent true.  It is sad but true, as a young wife and mother I received a lot of bad advice and I listened to the wrong voices.

Some of that "bad advice" is still popular in churches today.  I over-hear young mothers on the receiving end all the time.  I want to give my own advice (again) but this time I will not give any personal examples from my own years as a new wife and mama.  I do not want to start a ruckus.  LOL!  I don't stop strangers on the street to offer them my advice, nor do I interrupt the conversations I often over-hear where bad advice is being handed out.  I do, however, offer my advice here on my blog.  I'm assuming if you are reading my blog you like to see what I have to say.

Bad Advice - 
Young mothers should do more in the church.  They should be the ones to work in the nursery since they are the ones putting babies in there.

My Advice - 
I heard this one a lot when I was a new mother.  (OOPS!  There I go, sharing a personal example.  Forgive me.)
Young mothers should place priority on their relationships with God, their husbands, their children, and their homes.  Church work is wonderful but not if you are stressed out and unable to fulfill your God-given responsibilities.  Carefully pray about your role in ministries outside your home.  Hear me (please) when I say - a mother of children has a primary ministry and that is in her HOME.  
Nothing wrong with leading a class or helping in the church kitchen but do not take on things you were not called to do.  God will call you to your specific place of ministry.  Pay no attention to guilt trips.  

Bad Advice - 
Tell your husband how it's going to be.

My Advice - 
Ephesians 5:22  Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Obey your husband.  Submit.  (ooh I said those hated words!)  Ask your husband his opinion and show him respect.  Follow his leadership of your family.  After your relationship with God your most important relationship is with your husband.  Cool advice?  Maybe not, but I promise you will be glad you did!  

Bad Advice - 
Leave your child screaming and go.  Just shut the door and keep walking.  Don't look back. They will be fine.  

My Advice - 
Perhaps, not.  Help your child adjust to a situation by doing what your mama heart leads you to do.  Yes, there are some who will look down over their glasses to glare at you and will try to make you feel as if you don't know what you are doing, but you do.  PRAY!  There is nothing too small to pray about.  Is this best for your child?  Do you trust the volunteers?  PLEASE HEAR THIS - That baby will not be a baby for very long.  You will have MANY YEARS in the future to attend the class or service of your choosing.  

Bad Advice - 
Use some kind of birth control and stop having so many children.  AKA -  "Don't you know what's causing that?"

My Advice - 
Psalm 127:3  Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.  Have children at the rate the Lord gives them to you.  He will provide.  His ways are FAR better than ours.  YOU CAN TRUST HIM!

Bad Advice - 
Expose your children to the "real world".  They need to learn what the real world is like.  They are going to be exposed to it one day.  You can't shelter them forever.

My Advice - 
Shelter your children.  Keep them innocent of what is evil.  You will not need to shelter them forever, just make sure you do it properly while they are young.  A surgeon is not in med-school forever, just until he has had the proper training.  AFTER his training, THEN he will be turned loose in the operating room.  

Believe it or not, I do not want you to take my advice just because I offered it.  First, pray and search the scriptures.  Discuss with your husband and follow his lead.  I don't know everything, but I know the One who does and I desire to point you to Him!  Luke 8:39  "Return to your house and describe what great things God has done for you."

9 comments:

  1. Keep sharing what the Lord has shown you. Thank you for shining His light! Blessings~~angela

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Angela! :)
      Blessings to you as well.

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  2. Amen Sister! We spend way too much time listening to advice from people not worthy of our worries, and too little time listening to the Spirit. Other voices are "in our face" all the time, so its easy to get distracted and duped. Focusing on learning to listen to God's voice is a much better endeavor than trying to please, appease, or even be defensive with others. I have appreciated your willingness to say things like "do what your mama heart says is best" rather than say you know exactly THE way to parent every child in every situation. That has made me want to come to you. Those without the pompous, "I've figured it all out" attitudes are usually the best advice givers anyway:) Love you.

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    Replies
    1. I definitely DON'T have it all figured out. Jeff and I say all the time we ought to be pretty good parents to Clare since we've had the last 18 years to practice on all the others.

      Mistakes have been some of my best teachers. I wish there was a way to parent without making any mistakes but there is not. I am so thankful for the grace of God.

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  3. AGREE, AGREE, AGREE!!! I couldn't say it better myself so I want even try. You need to put it on facebook so I can share it. Missy

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Missy!

      Since we seem to be birds of a feather we need to make plans to flock together, soon! :)

      I added a button on tonight that I think (hope) will enable my readers to share a post on facebook.

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  4. Yeah Stephanie! I agree with you 100%.
    God bless.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Jen.
      And thanks for your support of my blog! I appreciate the encouragement.

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  5. Oh my you should type in bold some of those bad advice so they arnt missed!!! I severely regret serving in ministry when my babes were smaller!! Now I get to watch young mums make the same foolish mistakes to the detriments of their marriage & children & self!!

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